A while ago, crazy-in-shape working mom Maria Kang posted a picture of herself with her 3 kids with the caption, “What’s Your Excuse?”
This over course caused a million people to post lazy pictures of themselves posting their excuse, like sitting on the couch spraying whipped cream in their mouths.
Once upon a time, I was a gym rat. I didn’t look overly buff, but I went 6 days a week. I’ve had personal trainers on occasion too, when I needed to step up my game. I’m not a morning person and I realized that going to to the gym at 6am just meant that I half-assed it, which isn’t good enough when you’re lifting weights. But going to the gym at 10 or 11pm was fine for me, because I didn’t have kids…I could nap when I came home from work. And on weekends. And the only thing that kept me up at night was a snoring husband.
Things are a little different now. What’s my excuse? My excuse is that I can’t legally leave my kids alone at home while I go to the gym and my husband works in LA, so he doesn’t get home until 8:30 if I’m lucky (9ish otherwise). Because the instant I get home, it’s all about the kids so I can’t even put away laundry (maybe I can the day my son stops taking an hour of begging for him to eat). Because I don’t have a stay-at-home job like Maria Kang has…I once did, and I can tell you it makes a world of difference in terms of being able to be productive (at work, during breaks, I surf the web. Downtime at home means laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, napping to get more energy later, etc). By the time I have both kids in bed, it’s around 9:30. That gives me an hour to an hour and a half to get everything done that needs to get done. Washing pump parts, laundry, cleaning up, household administrative stuff, whatever. Then I hop in the shower (morning showers are out, we only have one bathroom upstairs and juggling our shower times with the kids is even more stress than an already stressful morning between two jobs, daycare, and preschool). Oh and as it turns out, the stupid effing 24 Hour Fitness near me closes at 9 on weekends.
Sadly, the human body and fat don’t give a sh*t what your excuse is. I’m grateful that breastfeeding helped me lose all the baby weight but I’m still a mushy sack of lard. I’ve been incredibly depressed over the diastasis recti (hey, let’s see how many people can ask me if I’m pregnant again!) and how awful my once-awesome legs now look.
So while I slowly save (and I mean, slowly…maybe when I’m 75 I’ll be able to justify the cost of a tummy tuck over all the home improvement projects and my kids’ college funds) I need to actually work out in the meantime.
It’s only been 2 weeks but I enlisted the help of a personal trainer because I wanted to really focus on this and have something customized for my problem areas. I’m grandfathered into my 24 Hour Fitness membership (49 bucks a year, can’t beat that) so I’m stuck with them. This is the first trainer I’ve had who has really focused on form, which is really good because I can very easily get sloppy just to crank out a routine. There’s not a whole lot I can do for my stomach other than stomach vacuums, but at least this will help with the rest of my core which is compensating because I have no inner ab muscles to support me.
I’ve got the motivation down and the workout down. Next problem: how do I get there? My time constraint is a legit problem.
The first workout the trainer has options that I can do at home (not ideal, but it’s doable). I’m also aiming to just suck it up and go on weekdays (when the gym doesn’t close ridiculously early) when possible. The real way to stick with this I think will be for me to work out at my company gym.
What? Your company has a gym, biotch?
Well yeah, but it doesn’t have every piece of equipment that I’d want to use. Plus it can get packed. When I was pumping (today is only the second day I haven’t brought the pump to work) there was no way I could squeeze in the time. And most of all, I’m a sweaty mess when I exercise. I can’t give myself a whore bath via baby wipes and expect to not look like a crying Tammy Faye Baker by the time I’m back at my desk. I don’t have an office anymore and I’m pretty sure my coworkers don’t want to sit near someone that reeks of nasty.
I’m also motivating myself by getting new gym clothes. My back is broader, so despite having useless teenie boobs my sports bras don’t fit anymore. My mommy gut makes it so that I need longer tank tops and my track pants, which were pretty low on the hip, are now not options either. I’ve somehow lost 2-3 pairs of exercise shorts (packed before we moved, I didn’t need them since I was pregnant) so I’ll need to get a few more of those.
Well this just sucks…I had this draft open to complete and in between then and now, I injured my tailbone pretty bad, right when I was getting into a good workout groove. Dammit. I WILL get this body back in shape!